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Meanwhile, down on the local fronts, it's same-old same-old with stories of corruption, malfeasance, and general misbehavior for every budget...
VOTE-BUYING LEGALIZED NATIONALLY.
IT'S OFFICIALLY A TWO-CLASS WORLD.
With passage of the Calyx-Mumfrey Act, the American vote has officially become a worthless gesture now that it can be purchased wholesale by any party, domestic or foreign. One supporter of the bill could be overhead saying, “If the government can print money, why can’t we print votes? Most people just want to be told what to do anyway. This just cuts out the middleman and saves us money to boot!”
While supporters of the bill were all over themselves with self-congratulatory tomfoolery, opponents were speechless with shock, managing only to shake their heads in disgust while leaving to collect their thoughts before saying anything they would regret.
It is unclear at this stage how electoral college distributions will be affected, but at least one elections official was nonplussed, responding “It will all shake out in the end as company demographics are by law required to reflect the larger community.”
Meanwhile, opponents vow to challenge the legal definition of ‘larger community’ because as it stands, any corporate campus larger than 1,000 employees qualifies for the designation.
U.S. CONGRESS CEDES RULE OF LAW
TO CORPORATE FAMILY.
The reigning CEOs of the Big 9 supercos stood hand in hand in front of the U.S Capitol this afternoon, while the Speaker of the House handed the keys to the country over to trillionaire patriarch Gunnersmith Bodega. Meanwhile, the President, Vice President and cabinet grimaced visibly while accepting their not-quite-stylish company blazers, hand-sewn by the Little Miss Seamstress, third-year Brigade of Bal’more.
With policy changeovers expected to occur quickly, all cabinet members were asked to sign up for one or more management courses to be ready to ‘hit the ground running’ come Monday morning. Reactions were mixed, but overall, the vibe was positive, even though many just realized that they would only be getting two weeks of vacation a year from now on.
One Secretary, who wished to remain anonymous, had other issues as well:” It is so depressing, they’re even killing Ice Cream Tuesdays. It makes you start to wonder if it’s worth even coming in once a week. We simply feel that government bureaucracy is wasteful and inefficient, so until the various departments get their shit together and start running things the right way, they aren’t getting another dime from us.”
