This morning, Twenty Four Brothers Investing Globally announced an internal reorganization that will free up crucial resources for the escalating war against starvation. Having reached its first unanimous decision in its twenty-nine year history, 24BIG is eager to finally move forward with implementation of its, now twenty-eight year old plan. With the requirement that all twenty-four partners be present for the kickoff, it is expected that it will be at least spring of next year when they can finally convene. In the meantime, it is strongly recommended for all members to review committees, preliminary agendas, and staffing needs as established in the 2028 agreement, and be prepared to discuss suggestions for revisions to be made by the following year's meeting.

The overall effort will be directed by Board of Families and its subsidiaries, most notably Hawkthorn-Blacktrope, the weapons manufacturing consortium. When asked how giving semi-automatic weapons  to malnourished families will help alleviate poverty and sickness, company representative Tommy Paluka responded, “You see, it’s very simple. With a gun you can go anywhere. So… just steal a boat or a car and get the hell out of Africa.”

While it’s unclear at this time whether ammunition will be provided free of charge, it is expected that H-B will wish to recoup its up-front costs before “giving away the store,” as one representative who wished to remain anonymous put it. “Thirty years of salaries, private jets, and golden parachutes isn’t exactly pocket change, but the US. Government has a huuuge pocket.”

In other news, the U.S House passed a comprehensive tax bill that is expected to increase taxes on lower and middle-class Americans by 32%.